1st year going on 2nd year

A sample of something short and sweet, just for laughs, following my first mentoring session as a freshie meddie, and because I haven't had time to write up a proper essay due to the lectures and labs which have all gone over my head, and the depression I am experiencing due to the fact I won't get out of the medical Training system till about 2025...well actually I lie about 2025 bit, it just happened to rhyme. In reality, I won't be out for twelve years.

THE SCENE:
A 3rd year med student (male) and a 1st year med student (female) are standing just outside the Medical Faculty building at night time. The 3rd year guy is demonstrating a sexy torch from the MedSoc Bookshop.

3RD YEAR GUY:
So...you just flash it in your eyes...and your pupil, the black dot in the middle, shrinks!

1ST YEAR GIRL:
OMG wow! Let me have a try!
(She snatches the torch out of his hand rather too eagerly, but drops it on the floor. Everything is black for a moment...(Music now (spontaneously) arises)

3RD YEAR GUY:
You wait, little girl, on an empty stage,
For a man to turn the light on

(He picks the torch up and switches it on again, allowing us to see their facial expressions – one of the integral components of nonverbal communication)

Beware, Med One girl, that those nerdy days
Of antisocial medical students are long gone

1ST YEAR GIRL (echoes in wonder):
They're long gone…?

3RD YEAR GUY:
You're a first year going on second year -
Socials you can't decline
Eager young lads from MedSoc and AMSA
Will offer you beer, and cruisers, and vodka, and wine…

1ST YEAR GIRL (interrupts, wide-eyed):
OMG alcohol?!?!

3RD YEAR GUY:
You're a first year going on second year -
Med makes you want to cry
Better not burn out, cause you won't get out
Till two thousand and twenty-five...

Totally unprepared are you
To face this world of med,
Lectures and labs are full of things
Which float over your head!

You need someone older and wiser,
Telling you what to do
I'm a third year going on fourth year...
I'll take care of you...

(He puts his arm around her and she beams. They dance around, making special use of the park benches on the ___ ___ Lawn*, which is a space that was originally set aside for all students – but due to the successful intimidation tactics of the Medicine students, has been renamed “Medlawn”. Suddenly the girl feels the urge to burst into song.)

1ST YEAR GIRL:
I'm a first year going on second year -
Innocent and naive
Mentors I meet may tell me I'm sweet
And willingly I believe...

I'm a first year going on second year -
Only fresh out of school
Playboys and tramps and helpers at MedCamps,
What would I know of you?

Totally unprepared am I...
To face this world of med
Lectures and labs are full of things...
Which float over my head

I need someone just who is in third year
The night before things are due
If you help me pass my assignments
I'll do anything for you!

(She has a hard, blazing look on her face, throws her arms around him, and he kisses her. Audience can see that he then sticks his hand up her labcoat.)

Credit: to Rodgers and Hammerstein for their inimitable musical, “The Sound of Music”, especially that amazing song, “Sixteen Going on Seventeen” which I unfortunately never got to sing in context.

* Names have been blanked out for privacy reasons.