wuthering heights

Dear HSC English students ,
Here's one way to learn your Module B essay material! Just sing this to the tune of Kate Bush's Wuthering Heights on repeat!
XX Minnie

Wuthering Heights Parody
Inside my wiley
Angsty mind
There are two distinct things
The individual
And the shadowyyyyyyy
Too hot, too greedy
Repressed by societyyyyyyyyy
It’s wanting to
Possess you
Says the Psycho-
Analytical reading

Primitive inhumanity
Portrayed through animal imagery
“Wolfish man” of Wuthering, Wuthering
Wuthering heights…

Heathcliff — “Mad dog”, you’re my shadow
You scare people off
With your “gush of grief”
Coming out of your window
Oooooooooh
Heathcliff — It’s me, I’m Cathy
Once your equal
“Rough headed counterpart”
Till we saw the Grange window
Oooooooooh
Heathcliff — Reject you, I had to
By marrying
Edgar Linton
But you came back to haunt me
Black villain!

I like this view!
It lets us treat
The author as human too
With the same angst
And identify with you
Your subconscious view
But it’s reduced the book
To Gondal fantasy
And ignored G2
And the time period
Its idiosyncrasies too

What about divides of race
Manifested in his savage, “gipsy” dark face
The uncivilised Wuthering, Wuthering
Wuthering Heights

Heathcliff — You’re “it”, quite unfit
Is your “gibberish”
Your foreign tongue
Has dehumanized you
“Out-and-outer!”
Heathcliff — Lockwood, is a dodgy
Narrator, he’s
Morally myopic
Like the Lintons’ spectacles
Ooooooooh
Heathcliff — “Light hair” and “fair skin”
Make the Lintons
Like British colonisers
Reverse the gaze through your window
At a Black Villain

Oooh “a centipede”
“From the Indies”
Is Isabella to you
It doesn’t work
Colonial jerks
Young Cathy will tame you
Teaching Hareton to read
It’s a critique
Of Imperialism
And racial arrogance

It was a concern of the time
And considers, all the novel’s lines
But it’s a product of society, Wuthering,
Wuthering Heights

Heathcliff
You’re me, I’m Cathy
We’re soul mates
Fusing organically
Come “absorb” my corpse
Ooooooh
Heathcliff

We cross boundaries
Between worlds
Physical and spiritual
“Great glass panes” of your window
Oooooooh
Heathcliff
“The dead
Are not
Annihilated!”
We unite binary oppositions
Dualllliiiiiity

Ooooh! Both the Psycho
And the Postcolonial
Have binary oppositions in them
Shadow/individual
Savage/civilised
Are broken by our passion
We can’t be split, love
My “curl of dark hair”
Is “twisted” with your
“Black lock”

The black villain now I know
Being united with light he wants to show
Yin and Yang of Wuthering
Wuthering
Wuthering Heights

Heathcliff
Can you see, timelessly
Why we’re here?
It’s so metaphysical!
Let’s celebrate the individual!
Yaaaaaaaaayyyyy
Heathcliff,
See me, duality
Like storm and calm
In all approaches!
Let the feminists rant too
Oooooooooh
Heathcliff
Readers contemporary
Dismissed you
They were shalloooooow
Many readings now we know
Novel’s a dialooooooguuuue

Ooooooooh! What about gothic?
Let us break more barriers!
Ooooooooh! Like the magic!
Of the “ghosts and goblins”!
Like the setting!
Wuthering!

Pathetic fallacy
Its eerie antiquity
“Primitive structures”
“Obliterated by dust”
“Shattered prison” confines you
“Wind whirled wildly throoooough”
Isabella
Is the damsel
“A fool” to faults
Of the Byronic hero
Isolated through language
Yorkshiiiiirrrrrreee
Heathcliff
Demon lover
“Rather morose”
A violent lonerrrrrrr
“Tiger”, “Devil” and “Hellish”
“Villain!”
Module B
Says Bronte’s a mystery
Subjective
Ambiguous and unexplaaaaaiiiiined!

snow white retold

The REAL story of Snow White - by Robbie, Min, Kathy, Jem, Loz and Clair...

Snow White went a creeping
Past her father weeping
Gold and silver she had took
And hid it where they'd never look

But her stepmother was very smart
And as she hid she saw a part
Of Snowy's ugly horrid deed
So then she ran, with greatest speed

"Rear view mirror in my car,
Where did she hide it? Is it far?
Tell me know you little shit
Otherwise I'll throw a fit"

He told her once, he told her twice
She ran right there on his advice
And there she caught the evil girl
And there some insults she did hurl

"YOU IDIOTIC BIMBO SLUT
YOU PIECE OF CRAP, YOU STUPID NUT
You're being sent right to the slammer"
And then did Snowy begin to stammer

"It was not me! I was possessed
An evil spirit grabbed my breast,
And dragged me right by the nipple
To take money, hundreds, triple"

She quickly dialled 911
And 7 dwarves came on the run
Dressed as policemen, quickly the came
And beat poor Snowy with a cane

Off they dragged her to the woods
But then she bribed them with the goods
And so off to a hut they went
Where the next 10 years they "quietly" spent.

Harry Harry Harry

Put your hand up if you think the book that influenced me the most is Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone?

Sorry to tell you, but you're all wrong. Today I have chosen to talk about none other than Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. "The best of us must sometimes eat our words."

If you know me, you will know that Harry Potter is a fundamental part of my life. If you don't know me, you will know that I'm a raving Harry Potter fanatic. The first book of the bestselling Harry Potter series that I picked up was in fact the second, as my brother was the first to get his paws on Philosopher's Stone. Nevertheless, it proceeded to bridge my transition from late childhood into early adolescence, allowing me to become a part of their world, fall in love with the characters and better understand life as a young person. And after Harry Potter, I turned from a noisy little girl into a noisy fangirl.

Part of the appeal of Harry Potter is the fact that even in our modern world, a glorious magical community like JKR's could still exist. Rowling uses a combination of mundane settings such as the Dursleys' house to enhance the realism of the story, then contrasts these with a dreamlike world. The grand centrepiece of this is Hogwarts, the boarding school at which he spends more than ¾ of his year at. Its stone walls are a symbol for magic's brute strength, but the its constantly changing structure (think moving staircases, walking suits of armour and a poltergeist), mazes and secret passages hint at complexities lost to the naked eye. Real geographical places such as King's Cross Station are mingled with make-believe sites, such as the town of Hogsmeade, allowing us to suspend our disbelief and imagine that we are being welcomed into Harry's world.

Harry is a highly likeable character, being the scrawny, orphaned underdog who emerges triumphant in the end. His courage and loyalty, black hair and green eyes, as well as the fact that he made vision correction fashionable, immediately endeared me to him. Ron also struggles to make his own way, the last boy in a family of nine. I even pitied Draco, as in this book we meet his Luciferous father Lucius, who has moulded him. Not surprisingly however, it was the snotty, thick-haired, workaholic haunter-of-the-library Hermione who was my favourite, and will continue to be. In fact, I was later christened "Hermione" by my Latin class due to similar circumstances. Rowling crafts a character for everyone to cherish.

Each character plays an integral role in conveying significant themes. One most obvious in Chamber of Secrets is racism. Firstly, Harry is discriminated against by his uncle, who labels him "abnormal", and after this he watches Hermione be called a "filthy little mudblood" due to her muggle heritage. "It's a disgusting thing to call someone," said Ron. " It's ridiculous. Most wizards these days are half-blood anyway. If we hadn't married Muggles we'd've died out" Hermione is top of her grade, yet in the prejudiced eyes of the "pure-blooded" wizards, she is inferior. Harry, our hero, chooses to befriend people based on personality and merit, while the Dark Lord discriminates against anyone he feels threatened by (eg Harry). Other themes include the cruelty of slavery – Dobby the House Elf, and celebrities being not quite what they seem – Gilderoy Lockhart being an example of Mrs Weasley's quote, " Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can't see where it keeps its brain." Mr Weasley plays a satirical role – making us laugh at muggle reliance on technology – "Really? Were there escapators? How exactly…"

Not least, there are issues of growing up. All young people, even magical ones, strive for acceptance. Hormones begin to fly – Ginny sends Harry a valentine (which I have parodied relentlessly), Ron becomes protective of Hermione to the point of bringing misfortune upon himself, Hermione receives a get-well card from her teacher Lockhart and begins to sleep with it under her pillow and even the ghost Moaning Myrtle grows "fond" of Harry, inviting him to share her toilet. What about school? Harry and Ron disregard the school rules to the point that Dumbledore "would have to expel them if they broke any more rules". Homework and Quidditch distract Harry from his quest of the Chamber of Secrets, but overall, school strengthens him and prepares him for adulthood. Headmaster Dumbledore acts like a mentor to Harry, leaving us with memorable quotes such as "It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities," apt for a time when our lives revolve around shining above the rest.

At a time which I felt like an isolated geek, books were my escape; Hogwarts was a particularly glorious one. And even though I found out that according to Nearly Headless Nick's 500^th deathday being 1492, I calculated that today, Harry Potter would be 24 it didn't stop me obsessing over Dan Radcliffe, the fifteen-year-old-boy who gave him a human face. I don't know how much wisdom JKR has managed to impart to me, but I think someone could vouch that I've matured.

I did spend my eleventh birthday sitting at my window waiting for an owl to come in with my letter to the Australian version. Although I have grown out of my childish faith, the Harry Potter culture is a vital part of me. Whenever a new book or movie comes out, I always get hold of it on the first day, and dress up as well. The reason I knitted was to produce Hogwarts scarves. On the internet, I am one of a group of over thirty thousand people who spend their lives on RadNet, a forum-shrine to Dan. As a tribute to my hero JKR, every year I read each of the five books again. And now, there's a sixth HP book for me to read – Harrius Potter et Philosophi Lapis. Not to mention Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, due mid 05.

If there are any of you sitting in the audience who have never set their hands on a copy of Harry Potter, be it because of living under a rock, having been on Mars, nurturing a potent hatred of reading or a desire to keep away from remnants of the childish realm for the past seven years, I hope I have changed your mind. Because every Harry Potter novel contains the same ingredients as the first one I read, the second book in the series. Each of the five currently released books, and I am sure the sixth and seventh will similarly follow, are bursting with fantastic worlds, beasts, people and tales to be heard. And I'll leave you with one more quote today, not directly from the book but the movie…

Lucius Malfoy: Let us hope that Mr Potter will always be around to save the day.

Harry : Don’t worry. I will be.

kept in the dark

Kept in the dark? What? Where? Who?!?

Although society has moved on into the twenty-first century, there are still suppressed groups in our society. Despite the fact that we have live in a free, democratic and socially supportive world, there is still a silenced population which resides amongst us all. The forgotten are still being kept in the dark, a primordial society where every day is a fight to survive.

They are the goldfish.

The way we treat our goldfish, despite the fact that their names imply wealth and luxury, is morally wrong. Look at their accommodation, daily care, public image, and what happens when we say goodbye.

Take a peek into the average goldfish’s home and you will see a dim, dingy bowl, fake plants, gravel polluted with detritus and murky, acidic, nitrate-rich water. The human equivalent of such squalor would be confinement to a single furniture-lacking room, sewage mixed with scraps soiling the floor, and everything layered in dust. Of course, there would be a window, not sufficient to keep the room bright, but large enough for the inhabitant’s privacy to be invaded 24 hours a day.

What happens every day in a goldfish’s life? Well if they’re lucky, they get fed with some kind of synthetically prepared formula. If not, they may be forced to sift through the gravel and re-digest their own waste products, or yesteryear’s leftovers. Some days, goldfish tanks are cleaned out and the water is changed. But this is seldom; they confine their mess to their tank only, unlike a dog, which messes your whole house; it’s so easy to forget about fish…

…which leads to my next point. Everybody knows the insult, “you’ve got the memory of a goldfish!” But, many goldfish have good memories – eg, mine learn the times for feeding as babies – every 6 hours. Stereotypes are not helped by easy obtainment. Most goldfish cost around $5, but many people give them free. What’s the point of spending money on something that costs less than a tube of lipgloss, and may not even last as long?

People often lose their goldfish in under a year, because they have not taken responsibility – shocking – if you treated your cat that way, the RSPCA would come after you. The poor neglected goldfish is disregarded, thrown in a bin, left on the lawn, of if he or she is lucky, buried in a compost heap.

It is tragic that goldfish today are treated worse than women in the dark ages – ornaments held captive in the worst conditions, goggled at for entertainment, never given a second thought after they leave this world. But Goldfish are living creatures just like us. And so, I think it is time we stop mistreating our goldfish in this completely immoral way; free them from their prisons of darkness and allow them to see the light.

anarchy college

Are school rules really that important in this day and age?

A school without rules might sound like seventh heaven to the vast majority of youths, a utopian paradise which can never be reached. But for the students of Anarchy College, this is the painfully down-to-earth, rational reality.

The first thing which would become apparent if you turned up would be the fact that nobody turns up with the aim of learning anything. Educational classes were abolished back in the Jurassic period. Homework is another part of history; for the teachers have relinquished the mere thought of setting it because it fails to interest any of the students. Today, the hallowed halls of Anarchy College reverberate seven hours a day, five days a week, with the harmonies of adolescent gossip. This ranges from the ordinary chatter between students, to mobile phone conversations, to the “rejects” who are forced into cyberspace to conduct their social lives.

Technology runs riot in Anarchy College. There are no terms or conditions concerned with using the school’s super-fast Ethernet connection, and thus many choose it over their snail-pace dial-up modems at home. The lines between legal and illegal internet pursuits do not exist in the minds of Anarchy students, who “rip and burn” Compact Discs, “share and swap” documents such as videos over networks such as “KaZaA”, download massive amounts of pirated music and software, deal in fraudulent identities and credit cards to fuel their web designing pursuits.

The air is thick with the signals of wireless phones, radios, computers and many other kinds of electronic communication. In fact, it is suspected that after discussing their evening plans, it is known that several children have disappeared. Naturally, due to all the unreined “chatting” with strangers on the internet, there have been cases of stalkers becoming obsessed with certain students and, much to their amusement, tailing them around school due to the lack of security.

But electronic corruption is not the only criminal activity which takes place at Anarchy College. Many less sophisticated crimes have plagued the students, such as minor theft and assault. Fights between students are exceedingly common, although not all disintegrate into physical violence. The student groups are clearly defined, and trespassers, unless new and unwary, are not generally treated in a friendly manner. These cliques often lead to a type of civil war, as small disputes can easily erupt into blazing battles. Many bear the [mostly mental] scars of these clashes.

Although there is a school uniform at Anarchy College, it is never followed. Having no rules does mean more comfort and freedom to follow the laws of fashion, but, as the principal claimed this would give Anarchy a bad public report, the students had to invent a solution to this. It was decided that it was better to eliminate the uniform entirely and wear casual clothes. This opened up yet another form of rivalry between students, turning the school into a world where people were judged by the cost of their clothes and the cosmetics above their skin.

To the rest of the world, Anarchy College appears to be the closest thing to heaven on earth. But to say that it was hell on earth would be closer to the truth.