Three Months On

Just passed the official three-month mark for my first real relationship (yes, just to confirm, I am twenty, I'm just a tad slow in terms of romantic achievement).

It feels kind of funny writing this here; my posts about that sort of stuff have always been fairly cynical, detached, bitter, snarky even, dare I say. I tried to project a clever, sarcastic image, even though a lot of the time I was falling to pieces behind it. And now...I don't have to pretend and I feel like I shouldn't be writing. Perhaps it's because when you're miserable, you have a right to complain (loudly) about your life. But when you're absolutely head-over-heels-over-the-moon, writing about your happiness seems like rubbing salt in the wounds of those who aren't so fortunate.

But I am insanely happy about everything about my girl. She's really, really smart. But creative too (she can draaaaaaaaaw). And she has the kind of subtle, snarky humour that I really admire in people (and enjoy the most). AND she's a fangirl through and through. And she has tiny little hands. And she's really fun to kiss. And on top of this she is OHSOCUTE AND OMG MY VOICE RISES IN PITCH HALF AN OCTAVE EVERY TIME I HEAR HER ON THE PHONE...

...ohhhhh yes. I'm really lucky. I can't believe it – in fact I've said this a couple of times already, sometimes I'm scared to go to sleep because of the possibility that I might wake up and find this has all been a dream. There are moments when I've had to pinch myself – like when I opened my eyes and found this beautiful girl lying next to me. And then there was the time she...okay, this is not a fanfic, you're not getting details!

I also feel extremely blessed that I've managed to find someone who can not only be my significant other, but my best friend as well. For example, my flatmate and I were talking about books we'd just read – and I told her my girl had just lent me Middlesex. My flatmate asked, “so, do you two often borrow books off each other?” and I said, “yes – our tastes mostly overlap. Except she's into war fiction, and I read a fair bit of Jodi Picoult.” I then asked her what her boyfriend liked to read – and she said he pretty much didn't read at all. Wow – I can't fathom that...

I also had a moment in the supermarket today when I bumped into the guy I spent most of first year pining over (for the record, I “never told my love, but let concealment...etc etc”). And of course I was struck by how good-looking he was, how well-educated he was, how funny he was, and how grown-up he seemed (he's about five years older than me). But I quickly realised how much there wasn't as well. Firstly, there were whole chunks of my life and interests that I felt I couldn't discuss with him – and I'm not just talking about my personal life, I'm talking about things like Harry Potter and skating and travelling and parents and brothers and MUSIC and so on and so forth. Secondly, there was a total lack of “spiritual spark”; I just felt like I couldn't agree with any of his methods of thinking. Now that I wasn't completely infatuated with him, I could see how much I disliked his logic. And thirdly? He still made me feel like an inexperienced, naiive little girl. While before I had a bit of a complex – wanting to hook up with someone much older than me who was going to “teach” me relationship rules, and take the lead in all matters. I've now realised that I couldn't live like that – I like being in control far too much. I'm so glad I didn't even go there...

I love the way that while my girl might be up for a bit of oral hockey, she's also up for an in-depth book discussion, a sappy Disney movie, a bit of musical theatre, a classical concert, a full-on HP-fangirling session, some travel talk, a dash of philosophy...she even doesn't mind if I space out and start blabbering about figure skating. (Of course, I'm absolutely happy to hear her rant about Jrock and anime – and I have to admit I'm finding them quite fascinating too! ♥ L'arc En Ciel!!!!)

I love the way she's my equal too. Well...naturally there are aspects where she definitely comes out on top – her drawing, for example...she has a real gift for it! (All my people look the same, barring their hairdo's, and they are usually posing in the standard anatomical position.) And because she's about a year older she has a lot more worldly experience (that, and I'm just sheltered). But then I think we balance each other out. Like (ahahaha, now I sound conceited) she's always saying she's not much of a singer, and I can do enough singing for both of us. Or even if she's got the knowledge and such, she's a little shy, and I've got the crazy, outgoing, try-anything, over-assertive, dominating personality to draw it all out of her.

In the past, I've struggled to write happy, contented love stories despite my own life being quite the opposite. But now the tables have turned, and I'm actually finding it difficult to tear Gellert and Albus apart when I'm in my own (equally slashy, may I add) pairing.

But for once in my life, the writing's taken more than a backseat. It's been shoved into the boot for later with my skating and my music. In the back are my medical studies and my friends. And in the passenger seat? My girl.

**cue “I've got sunshiiiine on a cloudy day...and when it's cold outsiiiide, I've got the month of May!”**